My other birthday party

My my, I take a week off and the news and photos just pile up. There's so much to catch up on!

So, I had a second birthday party in less than a week. I think that means I'm two now, but I have to check that. Like any fabulous personality, the party seems to follow me wherever I go. And what are the signs of a fabulous party if not maracas and a cake shaped like a ladybug?


And of course there was the fabulous pink hat trimmed with faux fur (no pink minks were harmed in the production of this birthday)...

The cake was good...


...and then we took another trip to the zoo, where my parents say I belong. As a member. At least, I think that's what they mean.


Here's a shout out to all of you from me and mom:

--Maddie

My Honkological Findings

Now that I am one, I have decided that it is time to grow up and make a contribution to this great conflagration that we call human society. Therefore I have embarked on scientific research at the playground of one of our downtown Decatur churches.

At this playground there is an assortment of plastic vehicles. For our purposes, their specific nature (viz., "fire trucks," "convertibles," and so on) is immaterial. What is of interest for the present research is that among the nine vehicles on the playground on a recent Thursday afternoon (a count which excludes pushing toys such as "lawnmowers" and "ball poppers"), five had discernible bumps in the center of their steering wheels. Discovering that one of the bumps gave forth a "honking" sound when I pressed, I promptly endeavored to press all similar steering-wheel bumps on the assumption that this delightful characteristic was a universal feature. At one point I walked back and forth between two vehicles repeatedly, only to find that not all steering-wheel bumps give when pressed, nor do they all "honk." This finding did not appear to be affected by repetition, the amount of force applied, nor by my own disappointed squawking.

All this is merely prolegomena. Our conclusion was that sixty (60) percent of steering-wheel bumps honk when you press them. The raw data will be published in chart form in the forthcoming issue of ZTW (Zeitschrift fur die Toddlerliche Wissenschaft, for those of you who are not conversant with the field).

--Maddie

Hot parents have girls first

I don't make the news, I just report it.

--Maddie

I made it to one

Dear readers,

Thank you for following me through my fabulous first year (or should I say, "my first fabulous year"?). Yesterday I officially made it to "the Big Zero-One" -- cause for celebration!

For the occasion, I got my first real haircut:


I guess that trip to see Frederic Fekkai in LA will have to wait until next year.

Other birthday news... I like cake. A lot.


The only thing I don't like about cake is waiting for it...


After all the cake we took an evening constitutional around the 'nabe,' to keep our girlish figures...


Dad says that even though I am so big now, I am still only a tiny part of God's creation...


...to which I say, WhatEVER! I am Madster, hear me roar! Look out, Year Two... here I come.

--Maddie

Someone told me it's all happening at the zoo...

Dear Readers,

I went to the zoo again yesterday. You really notice something new every time you go. For example, this time I noticed that that place is full of animals! No, not just the little kids that I spent my last couple visits looking at; if you look out past the fences there are all kinds of other interesting things, too.

Here are some of the animals I was able to identify from my picture books and DVDs:

"Bird"



"Cat"



"Dog"



"Moooooooo"

Then at the end of our tour I petted a goat. Sort of. Well, I thought about petting a goat. But he was sort of big and hairy and stinky and not at all fabulous (much like Dad, now that I think about it), so I barely touched him. But Mom made me wash my hands anyway.

--Maddie

Happy Springtime from Maddie

A Week in the Life

What have I been doing this week? Not much...

...just exploring my cushion castle...


...learning to brush my hair (all by myself!)...


...trying to see the world from someone else's perspective...


...but it was all very exhausting.


--Maddie

Life is good

Upon further review the call has been overturned...

Dear Reader,

You may recall that in the past I have been less than enthusiastic about my quality of life since darling Madeleine arrived.

I must ask, dear reader, have you never spoken in haste and later, upon deeper reflection, decided that you had been mistaken? I fear I must today admit such a hotheaded error.

It is true, at times the little dear can be "a pill":


...but who among us has not, during our delightful puppy years, ruffled a few feathers?

Much more importantly, I feel that Madeleine and I have reached a certain... mutual understanding:


I've never felt so pampered. It's like she can actually read my thoughts, which go something like this: That looks good! Can I have some?! Huh?! Huh?! Ooo, that too! How about a bite of that?! All these years of getting a scrap here and a scrap there, and wondering if all my mental energy was in vain. And now I'm surprised by joy!

As one reaches midlife, one can begin to give up on finding a soul mate. If that's you, I just want to say, keep dreaming the dream. It's happened for me, and it can happen for you, too.

Sincerely,

Paloma

A Day in the Life

It has been hard work establishing rulership over my domain; it's taken a lot of yelling and whatnot. The parents were pretty quick to fall in line. But finally I am also getting a handle on the household's more refractory member, who has bowed before my Elmo throne:


In other news, I'm moving around so much lately that Dad is exploring new ways to contain me. This one lasted almost 5 minutes:


Maybe you should be careful next time you buy a box of Pampers at the store. If the box seems a little heavy, you never know what might pop out!

--Maddie

I'm funny how? ...

... Funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh?


Mom and Dad went to Cirque du Soleil, and all I got is this nose. So now I'm training so I can run away with the circus. Circuses are fabulous.

--Maddie

An update on my public speaking skills

In the beginning there was only "bug" (and of course "aaaaaaa"). Then, gradually, "dug" and "wug" became distinguishable. Now as I peruse my pile of mail, I am able to read whole sentences aloud, such as "aaaaaa wookie wookie bug bug."


--Maddie

In honor of President Ford

I sympathize with our late President Ford, because I hear he used to fall down on camera a lot.



I was hoping not to unveil my walking skills until I had the perfect catwalk strut down, and I've been trying to practice in private moments for weeks now. But tonight dad whipped out the video camera and got me. The papa-razzi strikes again.

--Maddie

This just in...

Quick update: I'm still very cute...


...and you still do not want to mess with me when I'm angry.


Yep, that about covers it.

--Maddie

p.s. A couple of comments on that first photos for the fashionistas out there... Dad calls that my "Vegas Elvis" outfit. Who is this Vegas Elvis? Anyway, you may notice that I am also wearing shoes. Although they are pleasantly pink, so far they feel sort of like manhole covers attached to my feet.

Another new word

I have learned another new word:

"Ma-ma"

For some reason Mom doesn't seem entirely happy about my improving language skills. Note to self: Must look into this.

--Maddie

Using my words

There was a period when mom and dad were slightly concerned that my future communication skills might be confined to shrieks and dinosaur-like gurgles. But I am happy to report that, having almost forgotten all my other languages, I am beginning to use more English.

These are some of my favorite words so far, with illustrations:

"Da-da"


"bug"
(variant: "bud")

"bug"
(variants: "buh-guh," less often "duh-guh")

"Ma-ma"
(variants: "bug," "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!")


"buh-buh"

Yep, that about covers it so far.

--Maddie

Once more into the breach

I was complaining to Dad today that he had not been editing and posting any of my blog entries lately. He just rolled his eyes and said that a lot of things did not get done during Christmas and New Year's. I have no idea what he's talking about; all the important things got done... I got Christmas presents, and everyone spent a lot of time just admiring me.

Early Christmas morning I had to fortify myself with a hearty breakfast:

Gandalf conjured me a pancake in the form of my initial!


Mmmm... pancakes... Oh, sorry, where was I? Right, so there was a lot of work for a tiny elf, what with delivering presents and everything...

I got a whole pile of stuff, I think. I was too engrossed with the wrapping paper to keep track of everything...


In any case, Dad says I was the best gift of all...

Again, I have no idea what he's talking about. I think this may become thematic for our relationship....

--Maddie

Baptism redux; paparazzo busted!

When a paparazzo contacted my friend who works for Entertainment Tonight trying to sell footage of my baptism, she knew just what to do. She called the FBI and they swooped in to pick up the bad guy and the tape.

The upside is, now we have better footage:

They named the Panda after me

Here's the story.

Sometimes you have to face the monster

Just call me St. George...

A word about words

Dear reader,

You may have wondered at some point in your perusal of this blog how I keep my creative juices flowing. Well, as T.S. Eliot said, "Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal." I will leave it to you to decide whether or not I am mature, but the point is that however great a writer you are, you stand under the anxiety of influence. As the heirs of Saussure have observed, texts are tissues woven from other texts.

Am I still being too oblique? Fine: I can read. And I have proof:

Of course, I felt pretty busted when Dad caught me reading this book on parenting; it was so useful to be able to stay a step ahead of them; like when I read in Ferber that you could let your kids cry for up to 30 minutes, I knew I only had to go for 31 and the Mom and Dad would appear at my cribside....


As you may be able to tell if you click on that photo for the larger version, I am such a good reader that I sometimes get bored of reading right side up and read books upside down. It's just a thing I do.

--The Madster

One small step for a baby...

...one giant step closer to getting my hands on better food.


I took my first steps today. The impact of the event was a little bit lost when, shortly thereafter, a stomach bug reduced me to projectile vomiting and I had to go to bed. But then I took a couple more later for good measure.

In the above photo, I could have had Dad Photoshop my hand off the knob, but no, I'm not walking in that one. But I can.

I know, I know -- it's a video world. Stay tuned, YouTube generation; film is forthcoming.

--Maddie

The strangest bath ever

The other day I had the strangest experience -- they gave me a bath in church! My normal bathtime is 6 p.m., and no one but Mom and Dad bathes me, but that day a man named Gary Charles held me up in front of everybody, and they had a little tub right there in Central Presbyterian!

Those church people seem nice enough, so don't tell them I said this, but it wasn't a very good bath. They didn't let me have my foam toys, or jump in the pool, or anything. They didn't even use shampoo!

Here's what it was like (You'll have to tilt your head, sorry):



The one fabulous part of the whole thing was that Gandalf carried me around the whole church afterward, and I got to smile at everyone and talk to them and show off my pretty pink dress (24-month size!).


Dad says the bath means I'm a child of the covenant. That sounds OK, I guess. I am having my lawyers draw up a covenant document with stipulations about minimum pureed-fruit feedings, reasonable napping expectations, etc.

... What?

--Maddie

Giving thanks for mashed potatoes

Thanksgiving is officially my favorite holiday so far. Gram and Gandalf brought TONS of food all the way from North Carolina, and I got to eat practically all of it! Can you say "tryptophan coma"? I can't, but then, I'm only nine months old.


The weekend was beautiful and warm, and full of the usual fun and games...


...and I had to make a stand in my castle against a terrifying dragon with monstrous teeth.


There was one more notable event that weekend, which I will belatedly address in my next post.

--Maddie

A $4,000 home movie?

Sure, I suppose you could pay $4,000 to have someone record and edit your childhood. But I find it much more cost-effective to be so fabulous that I have to beat off the paparazzi with a Zweibach biscuit.

--Maddie

Prelude to Turkey Day

Dear Reader,

It's been one of those periods where there's too much going on in my Fabulous Life (TM) for me to even try to cover. Some say a picture is worth a thousand words, so let's give that theory a shot:

The Chiu grandparents came and rolled around on the floor with me:

Don't tell Dad this, but I think Papa Chiu may be cooler than he is. Ever since I broke his cell phone and his car alarm remote by sucking on them, Dad has been really stingy about sharing his electronic toys with me. And I love shiny things with coloful screens...

Also this week I had my first trip to Gymboree! We did all kinds of interesting things, and everything is padded! Mom says that means I can bounce off the walls in greater safety.



All in all, I had fun, although it was hard for me to participate since I'm so painfully shy...


...how was that? Was the delivery deadpan enough? Did you believe it for a second?

--Maddie

Free Maddie! ! !

Dear readers,

I am sorry to report that I am the latest casualty of overshare in the blogosphere. I only wanted to be in a car, and now I am in-car, all right -- in-car-cer-a-ted (I learned that word from my Baby Einstein Baby Prison DVD):


It all began with my fake ID. Cute Barritt and I rented a car and drove downtown, and we had just gotten past the velvet rope at Eleven50. Everything was going fabulously, and I was about to order a Reflux Russian (a White Russian made with Enfamil AR) when suddenly a bouncer came out of nowhere and snagged us!

So, which one of you turned me in? I hope I don't sound paranoid, but really, what else could have given away the fact that we are under 21?

At least I'm not the first person to get dinged for TMI.

"Daddy, will you play me 'Folsom Prison Blues' ?"

I hear that train a-comin', it's rollin' 'round the bend
And I ain't seen the sunshine since I don't know when
I'm stuck in Russell prison and time keeps draggin' on
But that train keeps a-rollin' on down to San Antone

When I was just a baby, my papa told me lots
--like not to make fake documents by using Photoshop--
But I snuck into a dance club, and I told a lie
When I hear that whistle blowin', I hang my head and cry

I bet there's rich kids snackin' as that old steam engine huffs
They're probably drinking formula and eatin' Veggie Puffs
But I know I had it coming, I know I can't be free
But those babies keep a-movin' and that's what tortures me

--Maddie

"Because it was there"

I decided this week to skip past the whole "walking" phase and move straight to rock climbing:


Walking is just so 11 months, you know? It's like, do 17-year-olds actually read Seventeen magazine? Of course not! Thirteen-year-olds do. Do you see where I'm going with this?

I have to swear you to secrecy, dear reader, but... you've seen my Photoshop skills, right? Well, I'm working on a driver's license, for when I turn three.

Maddie