I'll tumble 4 ya

Boy of summer

For Memorial Day, Mom and Dad took me to see Cute Barritt in The Classic City. After playing hard to get by mostly ignoring him the first time we met, I couldn't help but notice him this time.

He was a little forward...


... but did I mention that he's very cute?

--Maddie

It's apparent he's a parent...

I'm not even three months old, and I already know The Family Circus is lame. But Bill Keane might have had a point. Not only is there a certain family resemblance, look what the few weeks of taking care of me has done to him -- check out the dark circles!


--Maddie

Dog days of summer

I went to my first pool party today, at Katie and Jamie's palatial apartment complex. I also dipped my feet in a pool for the first time. Have you noticed how easy it is to have a first when you're only 11 weeks old?

Anyway, when Mom put me in the pool, for a second I though it was bath time and she had really messed up the water temperature. Then I thought maybe I had been crying too much and looked around for the burlap sack. But there was none -- and there wer a lot of potential witnesses around -- so I was OK.

So the last thing that happened was I met someone my own age (see the last picture). As you can see, he was slightly friendlier than me. He can also walk, which made me really jealous, because you know, people drop food all the time.

Which reminds me, I didn't get the hot dog. Next time.

My first burrito, almost

"Mom, I'm facing the wrong way. Mom! I can't see the menu!"

Mom surfs the Web, and hil-hair-ity ensues

Gram commented on my last post that I seemed to be having a bad hair day on the 20th. To which I say: Ha! That was mere bedhead. When I do bad hair, I do it fabulously:

There is, in fact, a story behind this photo. No, I am not trying to steal hits from my friend Barritt, who recently solicited advice about his own hair. Actually, in the ongoing saga of my medical adventures, I was diagnosed (by mom) with something called "cradle cap," which is a cute way of saying "dandruff."

So mom read on the Internet that Vaseline, applied to the scalp, cures cradle cap. Miraculous! What this helpful Web site did not mention is that Vaseline is impossible to remove from the hair, which is (inconveniently) attached to the scalp.

So then mom went on the Web again (are you catching the trend here?) and discovered that cornstarch removes Vaseline, leading to another adventure....

No, there is no truth to the rumors that she was trying to color my hair like dad's or Taylor Hicks'.

Anyway, all this was about a week ago. I failed in my efforts to convince mom and dad to fly me to New York for a consultation with Kevin Mancuso, (they thought I was just hungry! Note to self: must learn to speak more clearly!), but my hair is pretty much back to normal.

--Maddie

What a week of firsts...

I turned myself over in my crib today, and I have proof:


What, you say that's not proof? Come on, how could you doubt a face like this:


For all you other babies who are reading this who maybe haven't yet turned over, let me just tell you, it's amazing. One second you're face down on your crib sheet, and the next you're staring at the ceiling, the light fixture -- your whole world just really opens up and it's like, wow. When it happened to me I was so blown away I actually forgot about the bottle I had been, um, requesting.

Chris

Give me a hand...

...no wait, I don't need one! I learned how to hold my own bottle this morning.

This is going to come in so handy for when dad and mom fall asleep during those 2 a.m. feedings.

--Maddie

My parents would Nevaeh do that...

This just in: If you name your child after one who appears on MTV, you are probably not as original as you think...

--Maddie

Mother's Day-catur

We spent Mother's Day in downtown Decatur, which is becoming sort of like Berkeley, except ... well, it's not really like Berkeley. But it is all left-wingy like Berkeley. Dad found out that Decatur was named for U.S. naval officer Stephen Decatur, who is ultimately responsible for the phrase "My country, right or wrong." Most Decaturites would be mortified, no doubt.

But they don't know that, so it was a pleasant Sunday afternoon. I was taking it all in, as you can see...


Things got more interesting for me later on when we went to the Brick Store Pub. (And that name is a lie, by the way, because they don't even sell bricks.) Anyway, Dad ordered the chicken and biscuits and then foolishly turned to look elsewhere. I had my chance... Let me tell you, once I get control of these hands, I'm going to be so much more effective.


--Maddie

Thanks, MTV!

Dear Readers,

You may recall that some weeks ago, when I was young and impetuous, I wrote to the MTV family of networks to invite them to include me on The Fabulous Life or Cribs. Well, it's funny how life works. Although I didn't make the cut for those shows (I blame my parents' lack of fabulosity) I did win my 15 minutes of fame after all.

Yes, that's right: this week I received a visit from my main man, Xzibit! And he and the crew at West Coast Customs pimped my stroller!


You can't see it from the photo, but there's a mobile, a bottle warmer and a wipes warmer built into it.

This was me when I saw it:


Thanks, MTV, for pimping my ride!

--Maddie

Hello, my name is Madeleine, and I'm a milkaholic

Five shots today -- my backside has taken more abuse than Bush's approval ratings! Only one thing to do -- head home and find comfort in the bottom of a bottle...

My Fabulous Life, Deuxieme Partie

Dear MasterCard,

Thank you for accepting my application for your Platinum Card. American Express has been slow about sending me my Black Card, so this will help me to maintain my fabulous life in the meantime.

I think I'll go buy one of these... did you know Mom and Dad are still brushing my hair with the free brush from the hospital? Unconscionable.

And I really ought to have one of these strollers, in case a building falls on me.

Also, I think Mom and I need some spa time. I mean, she does her best...

...but I'm afraid this aspect of my life is still not as fabulous as it could be.

I was going to pick up one of these, like my gal pal Apple Martin, but then I asked myself, why do I want to ride in something that looks like a hearse? I think I'd rather pimp my stroller with some 24s.

Can you imagine that some people actually question whether we babies need such things?

Some expert says: "What growing children's minds really need is time for free play. Time to just stare into space and allow the brain to rest, to form new connections, new ideas, and learn how to soothe itself." Is she suggesting that aromatherapy couldn't help with that?

--Maddie

They allow this?

As if the Japanese were not already crazy enough, look what they do to babies:


Here is the so-called explanation.

On the one hand, I would never let a sumo do that to me. On the other hand, I could definitely win that crying contest. (Don't know what I mean? Follow the link!) My Hays blood gives me a leg up on those naturally quiet Asian babies...

--Maddie

p.s. For those of you who think all Asians look alike... no, that's not me in the picture. No, not the other one either.