Friday, June 30, 2006

B-man and Tourmageddon

You hate to see your friends suffer, so I am feeling bad this week for Cute Barritt, whose young, tender heart has been broken by the Tour de France doping scandal.

Dad wouldn't let me read the Jan Ullrich blog that you posted, Barritt, because he was concerned it would teach me bad English such as this headline: "Quit being harshing the Jan's buzz." But it does appear that Ullrich and bunch of others are big fat cheaters. Well, big skinny cheaters. But that's all I know about that.

I just want to suggest, Barritt, that you consider sticking with soccer. I don't think anyone takes illegal performance-enhancing drugs in soccer. Consider: Ronaldo is in terrible shape, so he needs to get his money back if he's taking something. Zinedine Zidane? A Frenchman's idea of performance enhancement is switching to Gauloises Lights. Beckham has already achieved the pinnacle of human existence by marrying a Spice Girl, so what does he have to gain? The U.S. team can't be doping, or else they wouldn't be so bad. And everyone seems to get so tired in overtime that they can't score any goals. Heck, the Swiss were so tired they couldn't even convert a single penalty kick. (Sorry, Miriam!)

--Maddie

p.s. You could also watch Wimbledon, where no one is doping because they couldn't hope to beat Roger Federer on grass anway.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ich bin tief geschockt und kann es immer noch nicht glauben. Ich darf nicht bei der Tour starten. Es ist ein Alptraum. Ich habe mit der Sache nichts zu tun! Ich habe mich in diesem Jahr vorbereitet wie noch nie. Ich befinde mich in einer Bombenform und muss nun zuschauen.

That's right Maddie - I'm being in my 'Bombenform', and it is not from being taking the EPOs and drinking the Bloods. It is from getrinking the Milks like the Maddie is drinking and wearing the pink Clothes likes the Maddie is wearing. And occasionally taking Ecstasy. (See aforementioned NYT article).

And if being sehr gross als Renaldo could acquit me, then I am not guilty.

http://velonews.com/race/int/articles/9890.0.html

Just be seeing my time trial Picture in this artikel.

Danke for believing in the Jan, Maddie.

Tschus,

Jan

Anonymous said...

Maddie,

I know the swiss didn't seem like much during that game. What a sad ending to something that had started so well. I was even thinking about tattooing the swiss flag on my back.
We are now putting all our hopes on Federer. He too after all is Swiss. And he doesn't seem to be the kind who would miss a penalty kick.

Anonymous said...

Translation of the first paragraph for interested non-German-but-English-speaking-blog-readers:

I am deeply shocked and cannot believe it yet. I am not allowed to join the Tour. It´s a nightmare. I have nothing to do with this thing! This year I am prepared as never before. I am in a "bomb-like" shape and now have to just watch.

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