My Honkological Findings

Now that I am one, I have decided that it is time to grow up and make a contribution to this great conflagration that we call human society. Therefore I have embarked on scientific research at the playground of one of our downtown Decatur churches.

At this playground there is an assortment of plastic vehicles. For our purposes, their specific nature (viz., "fire trucks," "convertibles," and so on) is immaterial. What is of interest for the present research is that among the nine vehicles on the playground on a recent Thursday afternoon (a count which excludes pushing toys such as "lawnmowers" and "ball poppers"), five had discernible bumps in the center of their steering wheels. Discovering that one of the bumps gave forth a "honking" sound when I pressed, I promptly endeavored to press all similar steering-wheel bumps on the assumption that this delightful characteristic was a universal feature. At one point I walked back and forth between two vehicles repeatedly, only to find that not all steering-wheel bumps give when pressed, nor do they all "honk." This finding did not appear to be affected by repetition, the amount of force applied, nor by my own disappointed squawking.

All this is merely prolegomena. Our conclusion was that sixty (60) percent of steering-wheel bumps honk when you press them. The raw data will be published in chart form in the forthcoming issue of ZTW (Zeitschrift fur die Toddlerliche Wissenschaft, for those of you who are not conversant with the field).

--Maddie