There are some who would rather suspend disbelief, who would rather not know how things work. They do not want to know that the Death Star was actually a model made of styrofoam, or that the guy who played Gimli in The Lord of the Rings is actually bigger than my dad. (And we would probably all rather not know why so many home runs have been hit in the major leagues over the past 10 years...)
But then there are those who wonder, How does that work? How did they make the ape look so realistic in King Kong, especially when they couldn't even write a decent script? How did they get the little dog to jump over the big one in the Kibbles 'n' Bits commercial? Well, this post is for you, courageous inquirer.
There have been ... questions about this blog. Being generous of spirit, I will not call them doubts. There have been those who have said that it seems exceedingly worldly and witty for an author less than a month old. There have been those who, explicitly or otherwise, have even suggested that I have a ghostwriter in my employ. As fabulous as that would be... no.
How do I do it? It is true my hands are too small to type effectively, and that my arms, while deceptively strong, are not yet enough under my control to keep my hands on the keyboard anyway. But I assure you that every word of this is my own, thanks to some cutting-edge technology from the Emory School of Neuroscience for which I have a been test subject:
Do you see now? No? It's the hat, which has had fiber optics woven into each strand of merino wool, forming a matrix of neural sensors over my whole skull. When my neurons fire, this network picks up my thoughts and transmits them to a word-processing program.I admit, I do have an editor. This is what my unedited thoughts would look without one:
Milkmilkmilkmilkmilkmilkmilkmilkmilkwhatisthatoddgassyfeeling?
milkmilkmilkreallyhilariouswittythoughtmilkmilkmilkmilkmilkmilkmilkdamnyou!damnyougassyfeeling! Ihateyouwithallmytinyhatred!poooooooooop!ahhhhh!milkmilkmilkmilkmilkmilkmilk
You wouldn't want to read all that, now would you? So my editor cleans out the quotidien stuff, leaving you with only my really hilarious witty thoughts. Enjoy!
--Maddie
2 comments:
Six days without a post?? Coach K must have really let you down.
Here's a lesson you should learn early Maddie: become a lackluster fan of a school that wins big only every dozen or so years (e.g. '82, '93, '05). Then you won't be let down that hard when the dry spells come. It also helps if it is a public school, so that you can always be down with the common man, instead of down on the common man.
Come on, B. Your dad is about to have an "Esq." after his name, and you think you're going to be down with the common man?
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